My sweet Sarah is usually a kindhearted soul, but sometimes her attempts at verbal afirmation lose something in the trip from her feminine mind to my ears. I've started keeping track of our CSB moments. As a way to demonstrate the differences in how guys and gals communicate, and to save my fellow man from stumbling into a conversational booby trap unawares I'm going to share an occasional CSB for our mutual edification.
CSB #1:
After a late night run to our neighborhood Super Target, S and I are tossing our grocery bags in the back seat of the Four (that's what we call our 4-Runner). The final bag lands in the back seat, and as I turn the cart around to put it in the corral, Sarah smiles and says, "I love when you go shopping with me. You're so big!"
"Aww, you're so sweet. Me, toooooo Oh...wait a second!" What is she saying? Like, she's happy she won't have to carry the groceries in from the truck because I'm going to inhale them all on the way home? Or, my massive bulk blocks other carts from entering the store isles so she can dash in and get the last of the sale items? Or, I'm easy to buy food for because I apparently will eat anything? Errr...thanks. I think?
This is a classic CSB. You can't say, "You're welcome, your so big, too." If you do, your relationship is about to change. Drastically.The upside is she'll never ever ask you, "Does this dress make me look fat?" ever again. Pretty much got that one answered. The down side is, you will either be slapped for being naughty, or slapped for being mean.
When your gal compliments you for being so big you can carry all the shopping bags in one trip or because you deter thugs in dark parking lots, a simple thanks will do. Don't go into auto pilot on this one and do the quick, "Me, too." It's a total CSB.
Oh my gosh I just read that out loud to Jack. We laughed. Yes, Jack is really good at sticking his foot in his mouth too, and one CSB in particular stands out in my mind...
ReplyDeleteWhile we were dating, Jack had a terrible habit of jumping on me when I was laying on the floor and laying on top of me until I couldn't breathe. He would lift his arms and legs up so his entire weight would be on me until I felt like I was going to die. Fun, right? Usually when he did that, I would manage to grunt the phrase "you're heavier than you look!"
One time, Jack was laying on the floor so I saw the opportunity to return the favor - I jumped on him and put all my weight on him, trying my best to make him as miserable as he always made me. He started laughing, and he said "you're LIGHTER than you look!" He was thinking that would sound better, but as he quickly realized, it did NOT.
Classic CSB! See how dangerous they are? Ha! Great story!!
ReplyDeleteI think Sarah needs to post what her translation is for this CSB.
ReplyDeleteIn the meantime ... if I'm tapping into my feminine "psychic" powers correctly this morning, I would venture to guess that she meant more of a "you're man enough to go shopping with me" type of thing "and I love that about you!"
Maybe? Possibly?
Trust me, as time goes on and you've been married for a long time, the list of Can't Say Backs becomes longer than the list of CAN Say Backs.
ReplyDeleteClarinda's favorite is one time while buying movie tickets during our first year of marriage, the guy told me "Enjoy your movie". I said "You too" out of habit. She still laughs at me for that.
I'm more of a "say something that sounded better in my head" or a "I should have thought that out more before saying it" kind of guy. When we were newly married, I told Clarinda that I never understood what men found attractive about pregnant women. Yeah, I get to hear about that EVERY TIME she's pregnant now. /sigh
Smooth, Tim. The amazing part - women never forget those slip-ups. A man hast to stay on his toes, or they'll use our words against us. =)
ReplyDelete